Monday, June 27, 2011


I hate to admit it... but I feel like I'm starting to take it for granted sometimes, how good it feels to have a warm body next to me when I close my eyes each night, when I open them each morning... but I guess its true what they say that no matter how hard you had to wait to get something, no matter how much you treasure it when you finally get it, that it too will eventually become normal... sinking slowly into the realm of the mundane.

I loved it when you held me last night, the air conditioner set at sixteen degrees thrumming through years of overuse and neglect, as we snuggled together in bed, your arm draped around my side, my head nuzzled in the small of your neck, dressed in nothing more than thin shorts and tatty shirts, protected from the cold by a cocoon of comforters and pillows... and your ever present warmth. Like two moths huddled together for heat, the proverbial  "snug as a bug in a rug". I loved it... yeah, I loved it. As I have mentioned time and again if I could stop time at any given moment of our lives it would be during one of these moments. Problem was, I didn't love it enough. Used to be, I would stay up as long as I can, forcing my eyes open with every single ounce of strength in my body... dying to savour every second of these moments, live every bit of it. But last night, I was out in a blink. Barely even a kiss goodnight before I crawled into my usual spot - between your arms, cocooned by the warmth of both layers of comforters and your body - and fell asleep. What does it mean?

I mean, its not like I loved you any less. It was just that I was getting used to sleeping with someone, a real person.I guess its true, what they say, that you never know what you really have till its gone. Which is why tonight, as I tossed and turned in bed, thinking about what it was that was keeping me up that I realised what it was. Your touch... your warmth... but most of all, the reassuring feeling I get knowing that when I wake up in the darkness from one of my dreams that I'm not alone. That somewhere, right next to me, always within my reach is a body... warm, comforting that always has my back. I don't think I'll ever sleep the same way again, not now... not that I've had you with me. And I know the day will come when we shall always wake up together in bed, and eventually the feeling fall back into the realm of the routine... but for now, I will just take this moment of absence as yet another marker, a reinforcer of the way I used to feel the first night we slept together, when dark circles meant as little to me as things like cars or politics. And boy... oh boy, can I not wait to stay over at your place next week.

My favourite days are the ones where you sleepover =D

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