Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Telepathy: or why doesn't he know what I want???

I did a quick search on the internet this evening and discovered that Google defines "Telepathy" as: the supposed communication of thoughts or ideas by any other means than the known senses. Belatedly I realized that it was precisely the thing that all couples should be equipped with.

Making sacrifices for the person you love is the building block of any relationship. It's the small (or sometimes big!) gesture that tells a person, "I love you, much more than I love that other thing I planned to do." At the same time, sacrifices are supposed to be voluntary. They're supposed to be something, willingly taken upon the individual, that was given up out of love and not necessity. And yet in all honesty, I wonder how many of us out there in supposedly 'happy' and 'healthy' relationships have found ourselves in a position where we eventually lost it over hints that were dropped but not picked up by our partners and significant others? How many times have we ground our teeth in frustration and said to ourselves "he should have known that!" So I suppose it's time for us to just face the facts: not everybody can be so sensitive about their partner's wants and needs.

This is not to say, of course, that those two people would necessarily be incompatible with each other, it just means that one person is perhaps less emphatic than he needs to be, or the other, too emphatic for his own good.  Trying to sum up a person's wants and needs is, even on a regular basis, pretty risky business what more in a relationship when there is so much more at stake. There are just too many variables and so many things that could go wrong; what if you made a wrong guess, for example... or perhaps you were being overly presumptuous when assuming that it would be okay for you to do something, and it turns out that it isn't. I suppose this is why they say communication is the key to any successful relationship. Ideally, we should be able to read each other's thoughts, having lived together and been with a person for such a long time, but that's not how the world works. As such it is always better to hash things out and discuss issues than allowing them to fester internally as a mental illness (it's called a neurosis, or something).

Question is: is that really such a bad thing? So maybe certain sacrifices your partner makes in your relationship aren't all that altruistic anymore because you've had to first hash it out with him, but the truth is also that talking about things helps us learn a lot about our partners from their point of view. In fact, having discussions about things like that, personal things such as an individual's wants and needs, are the building blocks to any successful relationship because it helps both parties grow as individuals as they learn about each other gradually and (sometimes) casually. That being said though, I suppose it would still be quite touching and nice if one party takes the initiative and makes that sacrifice of his own volition every once in awhile. 



Terri said...

brendan demands i voice any issues or problems or wants i have instead of dropping "hints" :P he accuses me of being a stupid woman if i don't. you know, for expecting people to read your mind. no one can do that.

it was hard at first coz there's always gonna be that whiny little kid inside you who wants to be treated like a princess/princeling, but we're much happier now :D

Cyren said...

hahaha yes, learnt that the hard way. LOL

but a guy can dream.

Women's tête-à-tête said...

well, after co-habiting for a little while, a pattern should develop and some mind-reading or sensing what your partner might want could take place.

I am still guilty of 'you know me what?!' or 'don't you know already?'

savante said...

Unfortunately most guys - straight or otherwise - are oblivious to reading such subtlety. Forget about mind reading. Only a sledgehammer would work sometimes!

Cyren said...

But when the hammer falls, one is often accused of not practicing enough tact and subtlety. Dealing with people can be such a chore sometimes. LOL