Wednesday, March 23, 2011

And Fireflies

I found Mayonaisse bottles and poked holes on top to capture Tinkerbell,
but they were just fireflies to the untrained eye though I could always tell.

The worst thing about growing up was being alone. Unfortunately for me, being a kid that was different... the Other... being alone was something I just had to deal with. I found my ways to cope of course, I made friends out of the little creatures around me, the living beings that thrive in the darkest corners and crevices of our gardens and homes, unnoticed by most, hated by others. I felt like they understood what I was going through, you see. I felt like they'd know, and so the little beetles and snails of the garden, the insects that walk unnoticed or hated beneath the feet of our human oppressors, they became my first friends. My closest companions.

For that reason I never liked sleeping in the dark. It is not some childish thing, not some fear of monsters in the shadows or boogeymen in the closets. I just don't like the feeling, of being alone, deep in the darkness, unable to see anything, only blackness. I remember this one time I was alone in the forest... oh was I ever so scared. Now, the forest may seem like a beautiful, colourful place well enough during the day, but at night it is a scary place... well, for children at least. There are all kinds of sounds the forest makes that reminds you of all kinds of strange and horrible things. A leaf falling could sound like the sudden approach of a creature, a frog hopping herald some impending doom... and worse were those dry flapping noises which, till this day I have no idea what caused. Worst of all, it is dark. Think of the darkest place you've ever been in the world and then multiply it by ten! That's how dark it is!

I remember curling up in a foetal position, smaller than ever, never feeling more alone when all of a sudden (and I swear they appeared out of nowhere)... fireflies. Fireflies in their hundreds, maybe even thousands all over the forest. In the treest, under the roots, in the shrubs. Fireflies as far as the eye can see. And suddenly it was clear to me, the falling of the leaves, the hopping of the little frogs. Suddenly I wasn't so scared. Suddenly I  wasn't alone.

But of course, those days have passed. These days I'm not afraid of sleeping in the dark anymore. I'm not afraid of being "alone". Because I know, nearby, there will always be someone thinking of me. Someone loving me. Someone, who cherishes my presence as much as I cherish theirs. Someone. Just, a special someone. And while we were talking, and a pair of fireflies flew right on by, I realised that I no longer needed to worry, I no longer needed to be afraid, because whenever I look at you. It's like I'm seeing a billion fireflies.

And I believe in fairy tales and dreamers dreams like bedsheet sails,
and I believe in Peter Pan and miracles and anything i can to get them.
And fireflies.

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