Saturday, April 28, 2012

Sometimes, I wonder...

Hey ya'll!!! 

The weekend finally came and guess what I am doing? That's right, sitting in my office (the air cond is off for some reason and it is centralized so I can just switch it on for myself) struggling through essay after essay and trying my best to give them an appropriate (and altogether not too low) grade! Whoever might tell you that teachers have it a lot easier because they do not have to study/research/write the essay are completely misguided and out of their minds because I can sure as heck tell you that this is not the case!!! Then again... I suppose I used to be one of those persons which just goes to show us that the grass is always greener on the other side.

It has been awhile, I believe, since I've had any particularly wild or creepy adventures and I can't help but wonder if that is in some part due to my "growing up" and getting a job. Which is to say  that you shouldn't get me wrong (I absolutely love my job!!!) though... I will admit that there are times when I allow myself to fall into the rut of contemplation (which is sometimes easily mistaken for depression) to think about the "what if" question. "What if my life had gone differently. What if I had gone into zoology studies, instead of the arts and humanities instead?" Always these questions, but they are redundant questions... because you play the hand you are dealt and that is precisely what I have always done. No point crying over what might have been or what should have been, always better to live in, and try to improve on the now. Have I "failed" myself by not living up to this "dream"... this "purpose" of mine? I cannot admit it... in fact, I will not even allow myself to think it. I have grown so much as a person, I have learnt so much, and still I continue to learn. Despite all that may have happened, despite all that has happened differently to how I may have envisioned it, I have not failed. But still sometimes, I wonder...

I wonder if the human condition will ever be satisfied? People are always wanting something more than what they have, I am always wanting more. The question is, will it ever end? Can it? Is it really possible to live, to thrive and grow without a goal in life? Is it possible to live without wanting anything, without wanting more than what we have? Or is this desire... this need for desire, really such a central part of the human condition? We have so much, as the dominant species on the planet the world is literally our oyster, and yet because we constantly acknowledge and are aware of the limits of what we have,  we constantly strive to break those limits to attain more. First the world, next the outer limits of space, finally the universe. Awareness. It is our greatest strength, that can sometimes be our greatest weakness... possible resulting in the end of our species, because something that constantly wants, can never be full, and something that can never be satisfied, will only take and take and take until it has consumed everything including the very things it needs to survive. I really don't know why I am thinking like this. And on a Sunday too!!!

Clearly, I need to get out of this concrete jungle for awhile and get back in touch with nature, where the jungles are not mere monuments, where the "tallest" and "largest" and "greatest" things are more than impressive corpses, stone-cold edifices constructed by man. Instead where these things live and breathe and connect with each other in ways more complex and intricate than I, or even science, can possibly ever truly comprehand. I love my job, but I can't wait for SWOT vacs. 

Life is starting to get tedious, and the Forest, She is calling.  


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